Gone In…
by Elling
Summary: Things go fast around Lina&Crew, right? Each chapter will be drabbly oneshotness. Chapter Four is now up!
1. 60 Seconds

What will hopefully end up being a series of short little things, each with various time-limits attached to them…. If I don't get too tied up with school stuff and whatnot.

So. Off we go, with the first one. Probably will be the longest, dunno.

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**Gone In… 60 Seconds**

There hadn't even been a fight over which restaurant to chose, which, in itself, had been a miracle. A buxom waitress suddenly appeared near the head of the table and started passing out menus. "Hi, welcome to The Desert House. I'm Lesorine, and I'll be your server today. Is there anything I could get you folks while you look over the menu?"

"Ah, no need." Of course, that was Lina, her menu already thoroughly skimmed through. Surprised, the waitress fished a note pad out from her front apron pocket and slid the pen from behind her ear. "Oh, sure thing. What can I get for you?"

It took no time for Lina to rattle off her list, often jabbing at certain items on the menu to make sure Lesorine (who was scrambling to get it all written down in shorthand) could keep up.

"…. And that'll be all, thank you. Oh! Wait! Double portions on all of it, too."  
"Alright, then, I'll—" the waitress was stopped in her attempt to gather the menus by the anxiously raised finger of the tall, attractive blonde man sitting across from the diminutive woman. "I didn't place my order yet, Miss."

She blinked. The young black-haired girl nodded vigorously. The waitress sneaked a glance at the remaining man in their party, who shrugged and said, "I'll just have some coffee, or tea, if you have any, and a single portion of Number 26." Easy enough. _Normal_ enough. Lesorine cautiously squeeze that last bit on the bottom of the already full tab then flipped the page, nodding for the blonde man to state his requests.

Needless to say, the blonde man's order just about matched the redhead's. A large amount, but far less staggering than the other two's, was ordered by the group's smallest member. Flipping her notebook closed, she gathered the menus and stuck them and her notebook in the large front pocket of her apron, informing them that their food would be with them shortly.

And, in reality, the wait wasn't very long. Actually, it was pretty damn short for how much food was ordered.

Sighing as happily as a Lina faced with good food could, she squirmed impatiently as the servers swarmed their table depositing dish after dish. Their main waitress tipped the last heaping plate of pasta in front of Gourry and cheerfully bit them good eatings before going off to take care of more customers.

After what seemed like just over a minute, the pleasant serving girl Lesorine was back again, an empty tray tucked under her arm. "Hi, just checking up. Are you enjoying your—" She halted in her speech, the sight of the polished and stacked plates and Lina nursing the last morsel of what had been a roast big enough to feed a family of fourteen. To Zelgadis's surprise, the sorceress actually swallowed that last bite of food before picking up in the waitress's abrupt silence, "Oh, yeah, the food's great! Say, Miss—" She grabbed one of the menus still sticking out of the large front pocket of the girls apron and flipped it open with a snap. "How about this, this, and this, but with extra grilled peppers, aaand… Oooh, this looks good. That, and all three of these… And that oughtta do it for me! Oh, and all in double portions just like last time."

Gourry wasted no time in snatching the menu from Lina and matching her order. Needless to say, Lesorine was a bit relieved when Amelia and Zelgadis waved her off when she asked if they wanted anything else as well. The chimera, the waitress had noted, seemed to have barely just start on his mean, and Amelia was only half way through. Dipping a brief bow, she turned and started back towards the kitchens with the new order when she heard the indignant yell, "Hey, Miss Lina, that was my casserole! Stealing is unjust, and Justice will be served for your criminal actions!"

Quite frankly, the waitress was afraid to bring out the dessert menu.

_Exhibit A.) Food -- gone in 60 seconds._

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**A/N:** Oof. Hard to get back into the swing of things. Seems a bit rambly, but I'm currently working on a history report, so I seem to have a copious amount of ramble in me.

And yeah, I was thinking about the movie with Nicholas Cage, "Gone In 60 Seconds". I like that movie. But Lina doesn't steal cars. And even if she did, she'd probably blow them up anyways… Goodtimes.


	2. 135 Seconds

**Gone in… 13.5 Seconds**

Sympathy. I was getting _sympathy_ from a Mazoku. Well…. It wasn't true sympathy, or even close. Mockery, that's what it was.

Same old scene, same old place. I had torn apart half of the town and every single library and ruin-site within a thirty mile radius on an inkling of a hint from Xellos. _Xellos_. That just proved how desperate I was to be _human_ again. But Amelia had tagged along, as had Lina, who was following her own ends through the libraries I decimated in my search. It went without saying that Gourry had been there as well. He follows Lina everywhere, or almost everywhere.

Weird, isn't it, that if a man follows that sorceress around he's called her companion, but when a certain insanely bustular and scantily clad woman follows that same sorceress around, she's called "goldfish feces".

In any case, after a week and a half of unsurprisingly fruitless searching, I sat at the table in the corner of the inn's eating room, scowling into my mug of steaming sustenance. It had been worked out that tomorrow, we would leave this hidey-hole town and move on. _Nothing_. Eleven and a half days of searching and _nothing_. Did I really expect anything? I don't know.

I probably wouldn't be so bitter about it if he'd just _shut his fruitcake trap_. There he is, trying to 'express emotion'. Sorrow. He can't _feel_ sorrow, he's a damn mazoku! And off he goes, trying to--

And then Amelia sat down.

She'd probably noticed my stature growing increasingly surly with every moment the purple-haired priest sat nonchalantly two chairs away. She always seems to know when her impossible-to-suppress cheer is needed to grace a situation. Like I said, two empty chairs separated me from Xellos, and my attention was drawn to her as the chair closest to the mazoku was drawn out from under the table and she plopped down into it. Xellos opened his mouth to greet the princess, but Amelia was quicker in speaking,

"Ah, Mr. Xellos, aren't life's twists and turns wonderful? Oh sure, we had a small setback with those ruins yesterday, but I'm positive the next ones we come across will have_ something_. However, if we _hadn't_ gone into those ruins, we would've never found all those wonderful artifacts from those old Spring and Flower Festivals. From those wall murals, everyone looked so happy, worshiping the sun and the fresh, wonderful life that comes with spring and growth…"

I couldn't stop myself. I cracked the smallest of grins as Xellos's face gained a definite greenish tinge. If anything besides some of Amelia's well-placed comments or absurd amounts of optimism lifted my spirits slightly, it was definitely watching the priest squirm at the praise of life. It took a moment, but then I realized I could further this small victory. Leaning my elbows on the table, I drawled in a half-interested fashion, "Yeah, those murals were pretty fancy. They had some intricate spells subtly painted into them as well, I was surprised. I appreciate the artistry in such beautifully worked magic."

Nail in the coffin.

"Oh, well, I think I best be going to see if Lina's paid for the rooms yet. No doubt she'll wait until tomorrow morning to pay the food tab…" I said nothing, though Amelia bid a very cheerful farewell. I could've sworn the green tint was beginning to gain some blue.

Thanks to Amelia, a particularly annoying mazoku had made himself gone in no less than 13.5 seconds. In a considerably better mood than some seconds earlier, I leaned forward, grasped the still-steaming kettle from the hotplate at the center of the table. Righting one of the upended mugs next to the hotplate, I poured a second cup and offered it to Amelia, who seemed content to stay where she was sitting. She beamed her thanks and cradled the cup carefully.

And thus, we continued our impromptu discussion on the intricacies of ruins totally useless to my cure. Or maybe… Not quite so useless.

_Exhibit B1.) Xellos – gone in 13.5 seconds_

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**A/N:** Bustular is not a word. However, I like it. Because it sounds funny, and fits. Written in a feverish state (104.4F, if you want exacts), so… First time trying to write Xellos. I think I prefer it when I leave him alone… First time writingZelgadis (or anyone, really) in the first person.I think. Moof x.o


	3. 47 Seconds

**Gone In... 47 Seconds**

It had been a successful night. That village, normally a raider's plum being isolated and fairly rich had been made unexpectedly sweeter by the gold mine discovered nearby recently. However, the news of the mine had yet to reach any other part of the world. This village was fairly out of the way from any others, and the only nearby farms were still a good distance away. Not that anyone told farmers anything.

Much later, fires had been lit and the victory-enjoying had begun. Finally settling into a seat and dragging a woman onto his lap, the bandit leader laughed heartily and grabbed the bottle of wine out of the hands of the man on his right. "Booze! Women! Gold! What more can a man ask for?" A wild cheer went up from his minions and the reveling in spoils continued with great vigor.

"Hrm. Let me think," a voice rang out from the edge of the main circle of bandits. A _female_ voice. A cocky one, too. The bandit leader pushed the woman who was sitting on his lap off and stood, his confident smile now a suspicious frown. The voice continued, "How about a visit from… Me?"

The glare from the fire made it hard to see. From what he could tell, it was only a kid. He snorted derisively and sat back down. "Oh yeah, huh? What's a little lass like you gonna do, eh? Ask us politely to leave?"

"Oh, no, I thought a couple of Fireballs, y'know, BAMBAMBAM, and FWOOSH with a couple of Flare Arrows… Finish you off like BANG with a Dil Brand or something. Nothing big unless you start ticking me off. Then proceed to pick out the choice bits of your loot for myself."

Several of the men stopped, wary. Lina Inverse, the Bandit Killer? The Enemy of all who lived? Nah… She was rumored to be all the way in Sairaag, now, wasn't she? But that calm delivery of what might be impending doom, included with childish sound effects hardly worried him. It was a bluff, no doubt. But why anyone wanted to pretend to be such a spitfire, flat-chested woman as Lina Inverse was beyond him.

The leader laughed again, "Oh, right. We're supposed to believe _you_'re Lina the Chestless Wonder. Good one, kid. Why don't you run along to your mummy before she gets worried. Before I have someone _help_ you along."

Ah, stupid people and fate-sealers. Aren't they a lovely combination?

The small woman in question stepped into the firelight though the source of bright power forming in her cupped palm had already lit up her features and the maniacal grin spreading on her face. "Yeah, but living to regret things is bad. I'll make sure you won't."

Men began to scramble.

"FIREBALL!"

Accordingly, with several sound-effect-accurate explosions, the doom promised upon the bandits was exacted.

_Exhibit C.) Bandit Camp -- gone in 47 seconds._

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**A/N:** Your usual dose of Lina destructiveness. Yhus. I was getting angry because my Spell-Checker kept changing 'chested' to 'chaste'. So if there's any slip-ups like that, I'm apologize for not catching it on the 4th time 'round…

60 Seconds  
**Maddy02:** Aaah, but laughing in such a state is often more amusing when you look back on it. In special cases. Sometimes.

13.5 Seconds  
**Maddy02:** Yeah, I had a hard time not drifting… I ended up cutting a lot of it out because it was unnecessary drift.  
**Hitteh Pitteh:** I thought you'd might enjoy it… And I'm glad you did!  
**Les:** I've been debating with that word for a while… And I finally got to use it! Hah. Score.


	4. 1,123 Seconds

**Gone In… 1,123 Seconds**

It had been a startling thing, really, to come to the next town and find Gourry's face plastered on about a billion WANTED posters outside the city walls. Luckily, Lina had spotted the posters before they'd reached the main gate, grabbed one, and the group disappeared back into the grove of trees plopped down outside of the city's protective wall.

"This is insane!"

The four of them, Lina, Gourry, Amelia, and Zelgadis, sat in a small clearing. They were circled around the WANTED poster Lina had uncrumpled as soon as they felt it safe to stop. Sure enough, the picture there was an exact image of the blonde swordsman, though there was something a bit fishy about the picture itself. None of them could quite put a finger on it. Amelia noticed that there were no other details on the posted besides the words WANTED, Gourry's artfully drawn face, and the words 'Dead or Alive' under the reward amount. The numbers alone elicited a low whistle from Amelia. "Miss Lina, look! Three _million_… Even when you were wanted in Seyruun, you, Mr. Gourry, and Mr. Zelgadis _together_ weren't that much!"

Lina started twitching and making incomprehensible noises. One might've guessed they were sounds of utter disbelief. Amelia's attention was off of the poster now. Still studying the poster, Zel spared a glance at Lina out of the corner of his eye and murmured, "Don't mind her, Amelia. She's just miffed that she's not 'wanted'."

**_THONK_**

Zelgadis rolled away from the trio, clutching at the throbbing lump on his stony forehead. Lina glared loftily at the chimera and clenched her right fist again, cracking the knuckles. The small woman turned back to the poster, scowling at it now. After a moment, she admitted, "This is bizarre. Gourry, are you sure you've never been here before?"

"Absolutely positive," he assured her, right hand plastered firmly to his chest and his left hand up in the three-finger salute of a Scout. Lina sighed and ran a hand through her bright hair, scratching her scalp. "Well, we need the supplies badly. I wanted to check for news, too, and see if any more bandits are in the area." She clasped her hands together and looked innocently joyous about her next though, "And to see if there's a bounty I can collect on that group I fried a few days ago!"

Amelia sighed and sweat-dropped, "Miss Lina, you're—" "This isn't me!" Gourry's shout had interrupted the princess. No one really expect Gourry to move so fast, but he did. And suddenly Lina found herself product to close scrutiny. _Very uncomfortably_ close scrutiny. Gourry's face was within a handspan of her undersized chest, and one hand was gripping one of Lina's shoulder guards as his free hand's fingers poked at his forehead. Everyone one was frozen for a moment. What the _hell_ was he doing?

Suffice it to say, once Lina got hold of herself, much pain followed in the form of a _very_ solid knee to the swordsman's groin. Her face as red as her hair, Lina shrieked, "What's the big idea, huh'?"

Blue in the face and curled up tightly on the cool green grass, Gourry could not answer. Zelgadis determinedly avoided looking either Lina or Gourry as he cast a healing spell on himself. Amelia was wondering whether or not to try and placate the steaming sorceress.

Not happy that she wasn't getting an answer from him, Lina stomped over and turned him over (none to gently, either) with her foot. "Come on, Dung-for-brains, what the hell _possessed_ you? I'm and innocent girl and you have no business doing that!"

Gourry came out strained and squeaky, "Not… you… Reflection. Scar."

"Reflection?" Lina snapped. She sifted her stance and happened to move into a beam of sunlight that penetrated the leaves. A bright, reflective glare caught her eyes. She looked down at her cloak's clasp: mirror-bright brass beads and a bar. She saw herself looking up at herself seven times from those surfaces. Oh, well, that explained it. The blush still didn't leave. Okay, so, that part was cleared up. Still something left, though, "Scar?" she demanded. "What scar? You don't have a scar."

"Poster," wheezed the still tightly curled-up man. Lina didn't budge. Amelia, however, brought the rumpled poster over to the sorceress and tried to smooth it out. After another moment's study, it became clear. Sure enough, Poster Gourry sported a long scar across his forehead, giving it the vague semblance of a unibrow. Lina pursed her lips in a frown. "Well, I doubt the city's guard would bother catching _that_ little detail if we didn't. Who the hell is this guy, anyways? And whaddid he do to have THAT big of price on his head? If I could catch him..." Amelia caught her friend's conspiratory grin and immediately went into Justice-mode, "No, Miss Lina! In the name of Justice, I refuse to let you use Mr. Gourry as bait for your own selfish monetarygains!"

Lina cast the princess a withering look and was about to say something along the lines of _I do that anyways_, but rather, stated stubbornly, "We still need supplies though…"

She thought for a moment, eyes traveling from Amelia to Gourry to Zelgadis. Finally, she said, "Alright. Zel and I will go into town and see what we can find. Amelia Stay here with…" She shrugged. The sorceress had actually considered apologizing to Gourry… but decided against it. "C'mon Zel, it's still morning. Maybe if we get back in time we can travel a little ways before we camp, so we don't risk being found by sentries or something."

Hauling himself to his feet, he looked back one last time at Amelia and still curled-up Gourry before following Lina out of the trees.

oOoOoOoOoOoOo

Some hours later, Lina and Zelgadis returned. Both of them had odd looks on their faces. "Change of plans!" Lina caroled out. Gourry, who'd recovered and then decided to take a nap, woke with a start. Amelia stopped mending a small rip she'd found in her cloak to look up. Zelgadis was laden with brown paper-wrapped packages as well as a paper bag labeled 'PRODUCE'. Lina carried nothing.

"Change of plans, Miss Lina? What's this about?" Amelia broke of her thread and stuffed the needle back into her pincushion. The sorceress nodded as she directed Zel to drop the packages behind the thick trunk of a gnarlsome oak at the edge of their small clearing. "Yup. The Clothier's we were at, the one who sold us all this," she gestured to the pile of packages Zelgadis was now dusting his hands of, "he told us that the city has a temple—a really _old_ one. And there's underground ruins underneath it that haven't been touched in years, so…" "So Mr. Zelgadis wants to check it out and see if there's anything there for him." Amelia finished logically for her. "That's wonderful! I could use a good hot bath, too… Oh, wait. What about Mr. Gourry?"

"Yeah, what about me, Lina? I don't want to be arrested for something I didn't do because I look like some guy on a poster with a uniscar, and you blowing up the town would be bad. And what's a Clothier?"

As soon as the blonde saw the cat-like grin forming on his much shorter friend, a thrill of dread welled up in him. This couldn't be good…

oOoOoOoOoOoOo

It took exactly 1,123 seconds to get Gourry garbed and ready for their entrance into town. Really, the dress Lina had picked out this time wasn't as bad as the one he'd been in during his… encounter… with Volun. This one was a dusty shade of a dark rose pink, and the collar was a high one, nearly reaching his chin. The high collar also helped to hide the fact the ample addition to his chest he now sported was fake. The skirts of the dress, though a bit voluminous, were blessedly long and covered up the fact that his new shoes (white dress boots with hundreds of little pearly buttons running up the sides) were a tad bit too small. His hair had been brush luxuriously and treated with some sprays and lotions Lina had purchased in town. A large pink bow held it back from his made-up face. The shade of lipstick Lina used actually did look quite lovely on him.

Giving off the vibes of a sickened, miserable blonde puppy, Gourry tugged the flowery cloak his diminutive sorceress provided him with around himself tighter as he followed Zelgadis down the road leading to the walled city. Amelia and Lina were right behind him, not letting him lag in the least. Lina was looking quite smug and Amelia was quietly ordering Gourry improvements.

"Stand up straighter Miss Lala! Be proud of your sexy, blonde bombshell body! Or else no one will buy the act." The last part was muttered, however. With every word Gourry flinched and turned one shade greener. Up front, thought he was trying to ignore what was happening behind him, Zelgadis blushed faintly and was most heartily thankful his face appeared on none of the posters.

Gourry thought with fierce resolution that he would not leave his inn-room until they left the city. At all. For anything.

_Exhibit D.) Gourry's Remaining Dignity -- gone in 1,123 seconds.  
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**A/N:** It's been years since I myself've been a Girl Scout, so if I got the salute for Boys wrong...I don't really care.xD And… sorry for the wait! I went out of town for the holidays (no computer for almost three weeks! I had to hand-write this one at first... so many crossing-outs on the original draft!), and I meant to be able to have this up some two weeks ago when I DID have brief computer-access… but it didn't happen. The next one will come sooner, hopefully!

A Happy Decemberween Holiday Season to everyone!


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